i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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