I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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