and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my liver is dry heaving
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
