its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize