im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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