she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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