It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
pop tarts are not kleenex
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
