I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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