Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
