Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
