You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
