Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
