If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
