I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
