I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
