If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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