at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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