This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The air was thick with penises
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
