God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
