It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
