uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
