she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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