did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
