So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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