me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
