I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
