when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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