I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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