The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
3 2 1 whiskey
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
