My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
