we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
