I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
