Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize