lets start a swedish sibling band together
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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