you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
