I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
