Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize