The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
