coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
