I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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