then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And then he peed in my hair
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