Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
