just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
