Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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