Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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