just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize