Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
