i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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