Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
