Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
