I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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