Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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