I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
