At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
