dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
handjob tips. give me some.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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