I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
