everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
