My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
