Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
