I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
