it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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