I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize