I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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