Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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