Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
